The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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