i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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