Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
