just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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