My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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