dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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