11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
