the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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