i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
