I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
