im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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