Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
