Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
