Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
