I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
