FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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