Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
