Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
