Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
