Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
