Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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