ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
