Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
