just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
