I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
