Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
