she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
