According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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