I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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