she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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