she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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