I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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