Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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