i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
