how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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