Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
