my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
