i will never coherently bang her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
