Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
