I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
