I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
