I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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