I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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