u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
