Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
try to milk me bitch
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