i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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