I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
