i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
