do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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