Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
