i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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