before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
