the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
