If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
