I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
